“Hands Up Don’t Shoot” From Silence To Song: DaphoDILL Delivers A Powerful Soundtrack, Broadcasting Identity and Skin, They Tried To Erase, In Single, “Black Shades and Blue Colors”

“What is it like to be in my skin? You have no clue.

They talk about this skin and that skin, but all they see is black and brown.

Hands up, just shoot, every color except you.”

With these opening lines from DaphoDILL’s single, “Black Shades and Blue Colors”, she didn’t just write a song. She laid bare, the truth that Mississippi, its schools, its courts, and even the institutions meant to protect her, spent decades trying to erase her, and engineer her very identity and existence, at all cost. This single, carries the pain of being Black, gay, and silenced in a state, that has always found new ways to criminalize people like her. It is a soundtrack to survival, but also a warning: every setup, every humiliation, every label they tried to brand her with, was engineered long before she even had the chance, to grow into her own name and body.

From the start, Mississippi educators, preachers, and officials worked overtime to instill fear in DaphoDILL—fear that wasn’t natural, but manufactured and induced, as a child, to steer her, into the life they had planned for her. DaphoDILL, still feeling, how the intrusive thoughts were placed in her growing up: with extreme sudden induced fear, of white kids and people, sudden fear of punishment, sudden anxiety, fear, intrusive thoughts when caregiving for children, and sudden fear that her existence itself, was dangerous. Making sure later, when DaphoDILL got older, her story would cause massive outrage, and sudden anger, in those listening and reading about her life, all engineered by older adults. This causing DaphoDILL, to not be able to grow naturally, but kept constant, in their story line, hitting her at every turn, to add more to DaphoDILL’s story and character, going forward in her adult life. That wasn’t childhood. That was conditioning. This was character assassination and grooming, of a minor. They wanted her to fear before she even understood, what racism or sexuality meant. And by the time she could understand, their plans had been set. They used the Bible as a weapon, teaching her that being gay was an “abomination,” even as they ignored their own sins of racism, hatred, abuse, and corruption. They twisted scripture to make her believe, her very identity was sin, while they covered up the crimes happening inside the schoolhouse, the state, and even how they externally, groomed her home life. When people ask, “Why do you still bring it up?” the answer is simple: because it never ended. It evolved into surveillance, retaliation, tech-abuse, and psychological warfare. That is why this song exists—it is her finally saying what Mississippi told her to bury.

DaphoDILL’s silence wasn’t natural either, it was built. To distract away from her being able to report and speak, what she would report and speak, and how she would report and speak. To cover-up, what was really in play in her life, to later say, “No, if she said that, if she did this, then she had full agency to do so, and that is who she is; while hiding their hand in the orchestration and abuse of her as a minor, and their own guilty pleasure, watching as they tortured, a black and gay child, in the state of Mississippi. In reality, the responses, the words, the behavior, and reporting were never DaphoDILL’s, it was being steered, by older adults, who saw DaphoDILL’s sexuality, as an experiment to be played with, and a child to toy with, as if she weren’t human, or human enough to be in this world around them.

There was certain calm, before massive explosion. DaphoDILL started a new school, in a small town, where racism and homophobia was livid. DaphoDILL came across many white educators, that didn’t like black people. It became more about setups; rather than, education. The education wasn’t taught to learn about math, reading, and science, the learning was taught through how many of these white educators, saw black children as bait, for their sick games and sick minds. As DaphoDILL hit more deep in “Black Shades and Blue Colors”, and more about what she experienced, growing up, in a state where many white people, aimed to criminalize children, and made sure later, to hit them where it hurt, later into their adult lives.

DaphoDILL spoke on traumatic experiences in her life, while living in the small town, and attending the schools and churches surrounding the environment there. DaphoDILL remembering when she was 10 years old, a white teacher, gave her a book called, “The Skin I’m In”, by Sharon G. Flake, and made sure DaphoDILL, would read it, as to explain to her, about identity, colorism, racism, and being different, as this teacher saw more than just a black and gay student, but saw the struggles DaphoDILL, was facing, in the school house, and her home life. The teacher that gave her the book, was named, Anunciata McElhaney, a teacher DaphoDILL favorited, the teacher and book, later carrying over into DaphoDILL’s writing. DaphoDILL understanding later in life, what she had been trying to explain to her. The teacher knowing the book, wouldn’t have changed DaphoDILL’s outcomes in life, but at least giving her hints, to those around her. After a year being taught by this teacher, DaphoDILL, met the worse of them. Many white educators, that made sure that DaphoDILL, would be silenced forever. 

DaphoDILL entered a war-zone. She came across a schoolhouse, that had no black teachers, but one, and even they were upholding the racists and homophobic environment. Later, there entered another black teacher, but often they too, immediately, had issues, with a black gay child. The black teachers, were not DaphoDILL’s problems mainly, but the white educators were, as she came across one white teacher, that was devastating to DaphoDILL’s education, social skills, emotional fluency and intelligence, and overall life skills and development. This woman took reigns over DaphoDILL, as if she was her mother, inviting, slavery concepts, that white women and men, still were able to own black bodies; especially in the south, and Mississippi’s southern hostile territory. DaphoDILL, harnessing in on this, when she spoke rhythm and words in the single, saying, “Growing Up, I Hated The Skin That I Was In, They Wanted Me To Be More Like Them, So I Could Just Fit In. Man Knoll, It Was Never That Simple, Maybe We Could’ve Existed, A Long Time Ago In Agreeance, Before The Lynchings. Wonder Why We Keep Bringing It Up, Because We See It Everyday, Recorded On A Phone.” Direct indictments, on how Mississippi, taught lynching as a message, for black people, many black children, to obey white supremacy. As DaphoDILL has a different understanding to crimes committed against black lives, acknowledging, that even when video evidence is there, doesn’t mean it was manufactured, to criminalize targets, like DaphoDILL, for false imprisonment, and hate crimes committed against blacks by white white citizens, and complicit by even black citizens, themselves. DaphoDILL even filing several reports with the “FBI” (federal bureau of investigation), when she was just a minor, on these teachers and the schoolhouse, before she was even able, to understand, what white people did to black children, in the south. DaphoDILL, coming across a white teacher in Mississippi, named Pam Harless, that decided early on, in middle school, when DaphoDILL was 11 years-old, that because she was Black, gay, gifted, and outspoken, she would spend decades destroying DaphoDILL’s life. And she did just that. What was in store for DaphoDILL, was beyond sinister, it was pure evil and hatred.

The teacher, Pam Harless, started grooming DaphoDILL for criminalization, as a child. As the teacher wasn’t only in the schoolhouse with DaphoDILL, but in her church environment, as the woman externally trickled her hate, into DaphoDILL’s home life. Surveilling DaphoDILL, watching her and controlling her every thought and action, waiting for her hatred, to finally be revealed, when DaphoDILL, finally caught the woman, playing in her life. Pam Harless, beginning to place intrusive thoughts into DaphoDILL’s mind, and externally interfering with her bodily autonomy, her natural intuition, and rights as a human being, causing massive disruption in her growth, stripping her of any agency and rights, she could ever have, fostering DaphoDILL’s disparity, starting when she was literally 11 years-old. DaphoDILL couldn’t speak, learn, love, walk, talk, or behave; until the teacher, felt that DaphoDILL could do those things, making DaphoDILL a slave to her, and turning DaphoDILL’s own mind and body against her. She wasn’t just racist and homophobic—she was calculating. She groomed, experimented, and engineered DaphoDILL, all for her own racial hate, and sick and twisted mind. For any adult; especially one that is white, knowingly racist, to groom a black child, for their own amusement, is sickening, as DaphoDILL, became the teacher’s puppet, to play with, even under other adults, that could not see, the woman’s hand in abuse.

Repeating the lines, “Growing up, I hated the skin that I was in, they wanted me to be more like them, so I could just fit in”, became more than about racism but colorism, within her own community, amongst other black children, that couldn’t see themselves, as they were pawns themselves, in many older adults and authority figures, sick games. This isolated DaphoDILL as a child, as many other white teachers fell in line, with the apparent racist structure and policies, knowing they were standing on ground, that was rooted in hatred for black and gay lives. Many of those same students, that isolated DaphoDILL, later in life became apart of the LGBTQIA+ community, as DaphoDILL often had to hide hers and hers only, just to get by. Even times when, DaphoDILL would speak about her being “gay”, to other white and black students, and they too, discarded her life as less than. Where colorism, played a huge role in deception, of a black life, just like theirs. When DaphoDILL spoke, “They Talk About This Skin And That Skin, But All They See Is Black, Brown, Purple, and Blue”, illustrating the societal aspect of color, amongst Black people, contrasted to follow with, “racist” people, only see you as black, no matter the skin tone, as they distribute their hatred toward black people, because they are not “their color, or kind”, as DaphoDILL, was a double target, and even only few, that were just like her, when she entered into high-school, where she began to meet, few other gays. Many of these gay people, were white and openly racist toward black people, very open toward DaphoDILL mainly, and there was only one other black student, that was openly gay, that was a black male. DaphoDILL being pulled into the masquerade, of other students and teacher’s ridicule, for her, and other black and gay people’s lives. DaphoDILL was more than a target, she was the center point, for their defense for themselves. Isolating DaphoDILL, her entire childhood, and even steered it, into her adult life. Causing DaphoDILL to feel it was her, but it was really the environment, fostered by the white educators, that often led DaphoDILL to think something was wrong with her; until, the truth about the environment showed itself. Many of those educators were directing many of those other students too, branding and building their lives forward; while causing confusion and controversy for other students. This embedded in DaphoDILL, as she got older, as she was steered into it, and became a young adult. The teacher being obsessed with DaphoDILL. This teacher making sure, that as DaphoDILL got older, she would always formulate the same or more drastic pattern into her very life, that DaphoDILL could not reject, but had to subject herself to. Formulating that DaphoDILL had to always accept and take “racism”, “racist remarks”, and comments about her sexuality; while, directing her speech, to cause further harm.

DaphoDILL’s soul stirring lines, “All We Needed Was Love. All We Needed Was Acceptance. Now We Ain’t Accepting This, We Ain’t Accepting That, Hands Up, Don’t Shoot, Please Stop Killing Blacks”, created the distinction between, who gets honored in America and who gets blamed. Illuminating, how these white authority figures, structure themselves to be superior than black lives, as they turned their “KKK” cloaks in for robes, gavels, scrubs, white coats, and military and police uniforms, still operating under the same system and conditions, they once forced onto black lives, by laws, and hesitated to get rid of slavery, as they evolved forward into creating, the policies and structures, still being used against black people, that never ended, it just took on a new form of identity. The lines speak through lived experience and turmoil, as they reach the reflection of “The Bible”, depicting love for one another, as they make choices themselves, on who gets love and who doesn’t, many being young black children, and young gay children. A hypocrisy inflicted in the nation, as their racist and homophobic attitudes, some across the regions, while still being inferior to many other countries, that preach the same things. As black lives aren’t just “killed” by bullets, but by setups, manufactured charges, involuntary holds, mental health weaponization, false imprisonment, false reporting, and the equivalency of. Many black lives joining in accordance with the racist structure, a deflection of hatred toward same-race, pushed forward into action, against their own kind. As these same black people, state they fear for their lives, while deflecting, they have endangered the same lives many times, and their lives weren’t a threat to them at all. Going far beyond police brutality, and shedding light into the sinister nature of reality, that many white authority figures, use black bodies, to reinforce their racist agendas. Giving the illusion of loving black people, and accepting that they are here, while while broadcasting, unforgivable hate, and unforgettable truths, about their evil nature.

This not uncommon nor shocking, because Mississippi, for centuries, have been controlling narratives and outcomes, for many black lives, and for DaphoDILL, to be a victim of child abuse, by her own teacher, was even more horrendous, that the teacher, had gotten away with what she had been doing for decades. DaphoDILL remembers the national case involving Emmitt Till, as this teacher literally  moved DaphoDILL’s physical brain, blurred her eyes, changed her speech, walked her body out the classroom, made her involuntarily talk, erased her memory daily, and locked her body into place—physical assault disguised as “teaching.” The attempt to report instantly, being met with interference by the teacher, after the event, when DaphoDILL, went to report it to her high school principal. Showcasing, the assaults on black lives, often go unseen, unpunished, distorted, unbelieved, and often ignored. 

Striking lines, “Land of the brave, no land of the free, is everyone free, but my color when you speak? No one seems to understand what it’s like to be me.” As DaphoDILL wrote these lyrics, it broadcasted, a direct indictment, on how they made DaphoDILL, their permanent scapegoat, and exploited her identity as a child. DaphoDILL, was forced and led into the armed forces, while the teacher set the path for her. Even throwing other confusion in DaphoDILL’s path, to hide her own guilt. For DaphoDILL, the teacher didn’t just want her in the armed forces, but wanted to stage other events in her life, so that when she entered into the armed forces, the pattern she started would always reflect who the teacher depicted DaphoDILL to be; rather than, who DaphoDILL would have grown to be, on her own. This was more than obsession. For anyone, to direct, guide, interfere, memory or brain tamper, with any child’s mind, not to help, but to cause damage, is even more sinister; that many of these educators taught students for decades, and were never held accountable, for their horrendous behavior and actions, toward black minors and children.

This teacher’s obsession trickled into other armed forces hatred. As DaphoDILL encountered those who sought to continue the path of racism and homophobia. And many of them incited, that DaphoDILL, would always have blame, shame, degradation, humiliation, and confusion. As DaphoDILL entered into the path the teacher created for her, a disturbing one even to DaphoDILL, setting the tone, for how DaphoDILL’s life would be, in the armed forces. It was always about her sexuality. To inflict damage on anyone, based on race, age, gender, and sexuality, is far more dangerous, than any mind can fathom.

Haunting lyrics, “Years Later, Nothing Said, Just Hatred Being Distributed To Black Lives, That Everyone Seems To Think That That We Share,” correlation to how many lives and paths are different, based upon race, gender, sex, identity, and privilege. Many individuals nor growing up in the same circumstances or environments, to ever fathom, the difference between, pride, prejudice, love, and hate. As many white supremest, corroded the minds of DaphoDILL and many others, that “racist” people, get damage from African-Americans, just because they have to encounter them, and that they get discriminated against, because of their white color, and making the laws they built against minorities, work for their abusive systems, to always protect white policies and privilege. As DaphoDILL, talked about this, and how the armed forces, played a huge role, and how they subject you to cruel and unusual punishment, and get off from it, because they have the authority to do so, as they call those without this power, “powerless”, to incite defeat, amongst those, they always treated and wanted inferior to them. DaphoDILL, suffering many TBI (traumatic brain injuries) while she served, sexual assault, and her own boundary violations, all engineered by white professionals in power; that many black and white people, standing beside her, felt she deserved, because of reporting, and many things went unreported, and to dismay, many of those black professionals in power, were never subjected to the same scrutiny and abuse. DaphoDILL never getting help, but given more punishment, and punishment disguised as “help”, to put her off to be the “problem”. Using a black gay girl, many attacker for years, to be their scapegoat, from their own abusive ways.

So, who really has to stand for a flag, that was built on destroying black lives? So, who really cares about their veterans? So, who cares about the person standing to their left and to their right? Do you care only about straight ones? Do you care only about white ones? Do you care about the gay ones? Do you care only about the men? Do you care only about the women? When you do have to simulate care, when it pertains to your position, to build a persona and image about yourself, do you acknowledge the ongoing struggle? Do you participate in furthering the abuse? When bullets start flying, does it have a race, a color, a sex, a gender, and identity attached to it? Many say we should fight other countries, as the war was being waged, against black people, living in the country, that often are the ones, being sent into the worse environments and combat zones possible. As even many black soldiers have to fight their own race, while still having to stand against opposing armies, and opposing races, in their own infrastructure.

The highlight of her searing lines, “As An African-American, I’mma Set This Pace. Lacing Up My Sneakers, To Outrun You Up In This Race, Face To Face With The Demons I Promise You, We Gone Be Out Here Voting To Stop This Game, Marching Like Martin.” Where voting is no safer. Even black lives are interfered with daily, to stop voting, as they lie about the tactics used, to stop black citizens, from voting in Mississippi. Mississippi inciting that black citizens just don’t vote; while, stripping away their rights. They preach democracy, but use technology, intimidation, and policy to suppress voices like DaphoDILL — voices that dare to say we are both Black and gay, both survivors and truth-tellers. They don’t want us at the ballot box. They want us boxed in. Because silence is what they engineered, but song is what DaphoDILL chose. Her music carries the stories they tried to bury: racism, homophobia, child abuse, surveillance, psychological warfare, and retaliation. Her song calls out their abuse. Her song says it’s enough. Challenging the system built around her, while they never acknowledge their schemes. So, who does Mississippi care about? So, who does America care about? They care for no one, but preach equality, while maintaining laws against it. So, what veterans and what soldiers, do you care for? Clearly, not black or gay people. Clearly, not whistleblowers.

https://www.instagram.com/daphodill

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